Mi Amor

In light of Valentine’s Day I want to tell you my love story. I remember reading this article once about how you have 3 loves in your life. The first love is legit your first love, your first experience at everything, your head over heels moment, your first heartbreak, and your first disaster. The second love is where you learn your lessons, you find out what real love is all about and it can be a toxic relationship which mine was. Last but not least, the third love of your life is the one that you don’t see coming, the one you didn’t ask for and didn’t know existed but this is the one that will last forever. I don’t know if everyone gets the opportunity to experience all three but I am one of the lucky ones that finally got my third love.

My third love found me at work of all places and hit me like a storm. We started working together shortly after I became pregnant with my first daughter and shortly after his wife was pregnant with their daughter. We started our friendship after I had come back from maternity leave and was appointed his boss in my new role. We formed an immediate friendship swapping baby stories of our daughters and sharing pictures of our little munchkins. I was instructed to mentor him into becoming an assistant manager so we started working together a little more closely. After talking more to him I felt this crazy connection where I felt the need to tell him anything and everything about myself and oddly enough we had similar pasts, interests, likes/dislikes, and so on.

I remember talking to my mom about him and how excited I was to be working with this great guy who in a weird way was just like me. I described him of being, “the guy version of me.” I looked forward to our meetings and coaching our agents together. He seemed like such a great guy and he made me want to be a better manager. After I got pregnant with my second daughter I started training him to take over my job while I was gone. Our friendship grew even more and never did I ever think or expect that I would love this man. We had a few play dates with our kids, always talked about going on double dates with our significant others, went to each other’s kids birthday parties and befriended each others spouses.

I can probably tell you the exact day that I crossed the line and its not in the way that you would think. If you had talked to me prior to everything happening you would know that I was and am completely against cheating. I specifically remember cutting ties with my best friend for cheating on her husband and going out of my way to let anyone and everyone know how wrong I thought it was. Never did I think that I would be a “cheater” or be the person to break up not one but two marriages. I always said that cheating wasn’t just physically cheating but also through conversation and sharing intimate details that you might only otherwise share with your significant other.

The weekend before I crossed the line Catalaya had her 1 year cake smash photo shoot. I had planned this day well in advance, ordered the cake, the outfits, scheduled the day with my photographer, planned outfits for the rest of the family, and prayed for perfect weather. The day of the photos I kept telling my husband to hurry up and get ready so we could be on time. It came down to the last few minutes to leave and he still wasn’t ready. He decided that “only faggots” get family pictures taken and he wasnt going to do it. If you know me, you know there are a few words that you’re not allowed to say around me and that is one of them. Of course this started an argument which ended with him throwing Catalay’s cake outside and me leaving without him. I went to the photo shoot with just me and the girls, holding back tears I told my photographer that I felt like such a bad mom because I forgot to order her cake. That day, I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. When I went to work and he asked me how my weekend was…..I crossed the line. I started talking to him about my personal relationship and complaining about it. This was the first time that I had talked bad about my husband and shared details with him that I hadn’t told anyone else. It was in this moment that I took our relationship to another level.

My husband’s behavior continued to get worse and he was spiraling with a drug problem that I tried to ignore. That August I went on a vacation with my friends to celebrate my 30th birthday year. Outside of dealing with my husband, it was the best vacation I have ever had. I had so much fun letting lose with my friends and because my husband was in our room most of the time, I was able to be myself with my friends in the rest of the house we rented. It wasn’t until this vacation that I realized I was in love with my best friend. I found myself talking about him, thinking about him constantly, and obsessing over him. I was constantly checking my snapchat to see if he had watched my story, seeing if he liked any of my photos on social media, wondering what he was doing and where he was at, hoping he was thinking about me too. I was so conflicted with the way I was feeling because it was unlike anything I had ever felt before.

After I had gotten back from my vacation I decided to try harder at my marriage and push these feelings away. It seemed like the harder I tried, the worse it got. The worse the fighting got, the more it drove me towards another man. I knew in my heart that I had to tell him how I felt. I finally got up the courage to tell him and like I had hoped, he felt the same. So, we did the unthinkable and we cheated. It went on for a month or so until we got caught, got fired, and went through a whole mess with our now exes.

I will forever be sorry for the way that everything went down but I will never be sorry for falling in love with my best friend. I joke around and call him my knight in shining armor but he truly is, he is my happily ever after, the man that saved me from a life of misery. You can say what you want to say on making our previous marriages work but I truly believe that there is someone for everyone and we were meant for each other it just sucks that it took us being married to other people first to find each other.

Flash forward to two years later and I still fall in love with him every day, he still drives me wild, makes me want to be a better person, and shows me what true love really is and can be. I never knew how amazing a relationship could actually be and because of him, I get to experience it daily. There are days where I still cant believe we are here, in this moment and living out this crazy life together. I am so grateful for him, for our friendship, and our love. He is my absolute favorite person to be around and spend time with. We literally spend all of our time together and I love it that way. My favorite is that he makes me laugh everyday and even when I am mad at him he still makes me smile.

Thank you mi amor, thank you for being you, thank you for letting me be me, thank you for always making me smile, thank you for making me laugh every single day, thank you for sharing this life with me, thank you for making it so easy, thank you for always being there for me, thank you for being my best friend, thank you for taking care of not only me but my girls, thank you for being such an amazing dad to both your daughter and mine, thank you for our past, present, and future. I love you!

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