I Love Myself

We all have flaws that we see not only within ourselves but on our outward appearance.  We see movies and magazines with beautiful people that have shiny hair with no fly aways, flawless skin with no scars or adult acne, long curling lashes, and perfect fit bodies.  We have these ideas in our head of how we are supposed to look from a very young age and the reality is, our ideas are flawed.  Those movie stars and models have their own flaws that they had money to fix or pay brilliant makeup artists to cover up, or have the time to spend 4 hours in the gym every day. 

We all have our own insecurities and things we don’t like about ourselves but what’s most important is that at the end of our list of flaws, we still love ourselves.  I remember being on a girls trip and one of the girls with us broke down and told me how jealous she was of my life and went on and on about how I had the perfect life and she wishes she could have my life.  I had to stop her because my life is anything but perfect.  I have gone through some shit and I have been through hell to get to where I am but I am not perfect and neither is my life.  Most days, I’m a freaking mess.  The difference is, I love myself!  I may not have the best body or skin but I do love myself and although my life is not perfect, I am beyond happy. 

To prove to you that I have flaws and insecurities just like you, here are my insecurities:

My Feet:

Don’t mind my naked toes, its not open toe season yet

I actually use to get made fun of for my toes and my family still pokes fun at me sometimes but my feet are super skinny and long and so are my toes.  My second toe is longer than my first toe by a lot and my toes look like they could be fingers.  I actually got tattoos on my feet because I was so self-conscious of them.  I have learned to love them regardless because even though they’re long and skinny I take care of them so they’re not dry or cracked and I don’t have bunions or calluses.  My toe nails aren’t gross and I always keep them freshly painted during open toe season.  Growing up, I would hide my feet but now I flaunt them, I love my tattoos on my feet, I love my toe rings and my ankle bracelets, I love how my feet look with polish on them, I love that because my feet are skinny, I can wear super cute wedges and I don’t have to worry about my feet being squished.  I may never be able to wear pumps because my ankles fall out the back or wear high top converse because they look like clown shoes but I have totally come to terms with it.

Bad Breath:

I had my tonsils removed about 3 years ago because I had these deep holes in them that would hold onto food giving me terrible breath and I would get bronchitis once a year that would about have me on my death bed.  Ever since then I am terribly self-conscious about my breath.  I am never without gum and I brush my teeth so hard that I have receding gums.  Ever since I stopped smoking cigarettes my sense came back 10-fold and I have a very heightened sense of smell and because of that I smell everything and everyone.  I am always freaked out that I am talking to people and my breath smells like theirs.  So, if you ever see me covering my mouth or not talking directly to you its not because of you, its because I feel like I have bad breath and I don’t want to gross you out.

Stretch Marks:

I was not one of those lucky people that didn’t get stretch marks while being pregnant.  My stretch marks literally run from the top of my pubic bone to above my belly button.  I’ve had stretch marks since I was a teenager when my boobs kept getting bigger and bigger.  My mother has them as well as my brother and sisters.  My theory on stretch marks is not some bullshit lotion but rather hereditary and skin conditions.  If your mother got them, chances are so will you.  If you have fair skin, I think you’re also less likely to get them.  Whenever I hear some broad say, “all you gotta do is put cocoa butter on every day.” I want to slap her because I did and still do apply cocoa butter to my entire body daily and guess what, they’re still there.  After my first pregnancy I was so self-conscious about my stomach and swore off wearing bikinis but now, I don’t care!  I will never be a swimsuit model, I have had kids, I have fluctuated weight my entire life and I wear it proudly.  I would never trade my olive tan skin for pale skin that never gets that sun-kissed color under the sun.  As much as I would love to have that flawless skin, I am perfectly happy with the body that I have been given. 

Adult Acne:

Snapchat always makes me feel beautiful!

This one is more embarrassing than anything.  I have had terrible acne since I was about 12 years old.  I started using ProActive when I was in high school and it made a huge difference, then birth control helped and then every time I go off of birth control it spikes again.  So, I am trying to get pregnant which means I am not on birth control and bam, I am 16 again but with a slow metabolism and less perky breasts.  I have recently started using apple cider vinegar in an attempt to make my pores smaller which is working like a charm but smells freaking terrible.  I am also mixing coconut oil with baking soda and using it as a scrub at night to try and get rid of my scars on my face.  I am only a couple weeks in and my face is already looking a million times better.  My mom is 51 years old and still struggles with adult acne so I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably deal with this forever.  Regardless of my scarring and my acne, I think I’m beautiful and that’s all that really matters to me.

Gray Hair:

How I feel when I find another gray hair

This I blame on my biological father!  I have just as much gray hair as my mom!!!!!!  Thankfully, I have an awesome hair dresser who works wonders with my hair and these days I try to stay lighter with my hair to hide the gray.  Maybe some day I will be brave enough to roll with the gray but today ain’t that day.  I am only 32 years old and I’m not trying to look it. 

These are my biggest flaws that I am self-conscious of, see I am just like all of you and I have and self-conscious too.  I do love myself and I love certain things about my body, face, hair that others might be jealous of so I am thankful and I try to find the silver lining.  If my feet weren’t skinny I might have a harder time finding shoes that fit perfectly. If I weren’t self-conscious of my breath and always chewing gum, my teeth might not be as healthy.  If I had different skin color I might have to be terribly concerned about getting skin cancer or making sure I am always lathered up with sun screen or I would burn really easy but instead I rarely get burnt, my tan skin is beautiful to me, and I enjoy being outdoors.  I might have adult acne but I have other parts of my face that I am grateful for that others might trade acne for.  I will never have to get plastic surgery for big full lips because I already have them, my eyes are dark and intense and because of that I don’t feel like I have to wear a lot of makeup whereas some women have to cake on eyeliner to make their eyes pop, I don’t.  Hair is hair, the gray hair sucks but I have full hair and I love that it’s never the same color. 

My point is, love yourself!  So, you have a big butt, do you know how hard I work to make mine bigger?  So, you don’t like your hips, guess what…I don’t have any, literally.  You wish your boobs were bigger, big boobs hurt your back and make bra shopping super boring.  So, you have a big nose but you have gorgeous eyes that don’t even require mascara, I would love that!  The list goes on and on!  Find the silver lining and learn to appreciate what you do have because what you do have is beautiful!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *